I wrote the following thought before I started my blog. It is not exactly what I am feeling now, but I wanted to include it to show a progression of feelings. At the moment, I am failing at the lesson below.
I think that I somehow am getting used to the idea of my demise. Is it acceptance or just getting numb to it? My brain has been trying to cling to the idea that everything will stay the same. Now, without any particular conscious effort to do so, I feel a little bit of letting go. The former allows you to be happy, or at least not be sad, by pretending, burying the truth in the back of your mind, not facing it. This has been effective for me much of the time. The problem with this strategy is that everytime I detect a noticeable decline, the truth slaps me in the face. All of the emotions of loss have to be dealt with until I get used to the new normal. By letting go, I feel more relaxed, just going with the flow. I am no longer running from the long arm of the law. The latter strategy is new to me, so I do not know how permanent my relaxed feelings will be.