From the time we are children, the mastery of skills and abilities is one of the most enriching things to us. I am pretty sure that this is universal. Throughout life we strive for and cherish new skills. It is the most engaging thing for a healthy life. I can tie my shoe, I can ride a bike, I can do a professional job, make a living, win a race. Pride perhaps. This is a very personal need. Training for recreational sports is also centered around working hard to increase our ability.
Most of us, the lucky ones at least, are taught that we are all deserving of love and respect, regardless of how much money, ability or success.
Now if you notice, these two things are somewhat contradictory to each other. They are not exactly the same things, but in many ways, they are.
The second idea, that all people are deserving of love, is more of a logical construct. Perhaps it stems from a sense of empathy (treat others as you would like to be treated). Perhaps Deity commands it. Or you just realise that you enjoy people independently from their achievements. Either way, it is concept that is a little more outside of ourselves. The first idea is a very basic instinct.
Major setbacks and loss of ability can weigh heavily on our basic self worth rating system. Other people might still see us as relatively the same person, but it can be a challenge to overcome a lifetime of the rewards of bettering yourself.
If you don’t feel lovable, you truly do feel alone, even when in the midst of people. Feeling truly alone is a miserable place to be.
How best does one find a way to love themselves?
I have the most wonderful person and people in my life. I am very loved, lucky that way. And yet, with a lifetime of striving towards the abilities that give self worth, it still can be a challenge. I am sure that all of us go through this from time to time. Sudden loss of a job, loss of family, depression, any setback can throw us into this tug of war.