One birthday later and, well, It’s been quite a ride, largely good, some bad, a lot of acceptance, and still a bit of disbelief.
I had a doctors appointment scheduled on the morning of my birthday one year ago, just to rule something out. Well, it didn’t rule it out, it actually confirmed the worst.
The worst phase was early on with the feeling that all was lost, everything is over. I vacillated between not feeling like doing things for the future because, what the hell does it matter anyway, it’s over, and feeling like I had to get everything done in a hurry, to make my life complete somehow. It turns out that both swings are not a good thing.
Now, a year later, I am living life as ordinarily as possible and enjoying my new hobbies. I find that as one thing that I love gets out of reach, the best thing to do is to replace it with new interests and hobbies that are within reach.
Biking easy trails, getting married, buying a new house, go kart racing and enjoying good company makes for a forward looking good life.
Every now and then, I do torture myself just a little bit by trying to imagine myself as I was a year and a half ago. In my daydream I would run out the door at full speed, clear the flight of steps in one leap and just keep on running.