I found myself circling the Lowes parking lot looking for a handicapped spot where someone had left an electric kart. I didn’t think I could make it inside without such a find. The previous day’s move to a new house had left me beat even though Mary and my family did all the physical work. Score, a kart!!! Thank goodness there are others like me, or extremely lazy people. I won’t judge.
Inability to reliably accomplish the most rudimentary tasks is sometimes making me feel something very negative, but I don’t know what this emotion is. Earlier in this process, I felt quite a lot of “boo hoo” sadness each time I could detect a decline in physical function. A lot of crying was done from time to time. Now, I would not say that I feel sad. I have no desire to cry. I don’t feel angry. What is this feeling? Is there a name for it? It turns on when hit in the face with with something that I can’t very well accomplish, and fairly quickly goes away when I get back into my element. It feels dull but strong. Perhaps profound disappointment, or disgust. I’m not sure if disappointment is a basic emotion but that is my best guess.
It’s funny how upset I recently used to be when I could go out on my own and only ride a mountain bike trail at moderate speed and ability as opposed to expert level. What was I complaining about? How nice that would be. I am sure that at some time in the future, I’ll be thinking about taking myself shopping at Lowes, even if a little difficult, and say “What was I complaining about? How nice that would be. Not sure that is helpful.