I found myself circling the Lowes parking lot looking for a handicapped spot where someone had left an electric kart.  I didn’t think I could make it inside without such a find.  The previous day’s move to a new house had left me beat even though Mary and my family did all the physical work.  Score, a kart!!!  Thank goodness there are others like me, or extremely lazy people.  I won’t judge.

Inability to reliably accomplish the most rudimentary tasks is sometimes making me feel something very negative, but I don’t know what this emotion is.  Earlier in this process, I felt quite a lot of “boo hoo” sadness each time I could detect a decline in physical function.  A lot of crying was done from time to time.  Now, I would not say that I feel sad.  I have no desire to cry.  I don’t feel angry.  What is this feeling?  Is there a name for it?  It turns on when hit in the face with with something that I can’t very well accomplish, and fairly quickly goes away when I get back into my element.  It feels dull but strong.  Perhaps profound disappointment, or disgust.   I’m not sure if disappointment is a basic emotion but that is my best guess.

It’s funny how upset I recently used to be when I could go out on my own and only ride a mountain bike trail at moderate speed and ability as opposed to expert level.  What was I complaining about?  How nice that would be.  I am sure that at some time in the future, I’ll be thinking about taking myself shopping at Lowes, even if a little difficult, and say “What was I complaining about?  How nice that would be.   Not sure that is helpful.