People have been telling me that I have such a positive attitude.  All along people have been telling me to have hope.  Yesterday, the author of a book on living with ALS, who has had the disease for four and a half years, walked in, sat down and talked to me.  Nice man.  He gave me a card that is all about hope.  His book is about the hope of beating the disease and the different alternative treatments he is trying in the hope that he will find something.  I get the feeling that people think that hope is the most important thing.    I just don’t feel that hope is a relevant word for me in this way.   I have no hope that, of the millions of people around the world who have had the disease before me, I will be the first one to survive it.  I had some hope, at first, that I would be one of the one in ten slow progressors that could get to ten years.  That, however, just doesn’t seem to be the way it is going. (in two years, I’ve gone from a national caliber athlete to an electric wheelchair)  I can’t make myself believe things just because I want it.  I’m not that kind of person.  I never was.  I actually find comfort in truth and reality, even if unpleasant.  I suppose that sounds strange even to me.  Because of this, I would NOT say that I have a positive attitude about fighting the disease.

I have a positive attitude about always trying your hardest.  I have a positive attitude about working through problems with all the skill and intelligence that you can muster.  This is always more interesting than sitting around.   I hope that I can keep succeeding in enjoying life and remaining independent for a good while.  I hope that I can keep from being too mentally preoccupied by this stupid thing.   I have a strong desire to enjoy life, people, and inventing ways to remain relevant and engaged.  In this way, I suppose that I have hope and a positive attitude.