2017-1-9

Ever since I can remember, I feel like I have been searching for something in my life.  What that is has often not been very clear.  I think that I often find answers to this longing and fill that void without even knowing that I had succeeded.

The longing, when in solitude, is satisfied by experiencing and playing with the aw and beauty of nature, the universe.  I suppose that this is my way of being awed by something much greater than myself.  This never ceases to give me mental nourishment.

Good friends and my childhood family do a wonderful job of making me feel happy.  Life would be so much emptier without them.  I hope that I do for them what they give to me.  Sometimes, when I am alone, I wonder if I am too selfish.

As I live with Mary and her children, I realize that a quiet but powerful calling is to have a family of my own.  I don’t know if the longing has changed, or if it has been there all along and I did not grasp it.  I suspect a little of both.

For a few years now, I have been allowing myself to feel like Mary’s family is My family.   She has been wonderful.  Her three kids, or perhaps people in their 20’s should not be referred to as kids, are good, hard working people.

One might think that a sensitive person like myself would be reasonably good at this, hey, I watched “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”.  One would be wrong.  It is amazing how complicated human emotions are and I amaze myself at the missteps I take along the way.  First, I try too hard and make things awkward.  Then Mary teaches me to relax and let things take their own time.  I start to learn this wonderful lesson and things feel much better.  Then I learn that I don’t have much time.  It is a difficult thing for me to let time go by when it is short supply.  I know that there is no other way but it is challenging for me.