When writing these thoughts, it is normally my desire to have a single coherent theme. One that can resonate with all of us. That is difficult now as it seems impossible to untangle the competing emotions. It is very difficult it is to put my finger on one thing without exploring the whole.
I think that keying on any one emotion or challenge would paint a very incomplete, even inaccurate picture. Acceptance is being contradicted by fear of the future, is exacerbated by lack of long term goals to work on, is at most times being swept away by having fun with friends and family as if nothing has changed, reinforced by joy of kicking back and taking some time off, is then cut short by worry that life is slipping away with no new accomplishments or purpose.
I suppose that I am fighting back at acceptance by continuing to mountain bike race my E-bike like the dickens. The challenge of doing this well in my present condition is actually rather exhilarating. I sometimes dread that it is only temporary. Mounting and dismounting the bike is turning into a sh__ show. Walking without anything to hold on to anything is getting sketchy. Walking long distances is out of the question. That being said, I am happy the vast majority of the time as life, especially the social aspect of life, is as good as it ever was.
In general, I am much happier than the previous paragraphs might lead you to believe. These are just some of ideas that are helpful to explore. I suspect that these emotions and contradictions are a part of anyone’s life at times, especially when one is faced with a changing situation.
A key to happiness seems to be to always keep having at least one thing to look forward to. It doesn’t have to be epic.